she lies in bed afraid to open her eyes. Afraid that when she did she would still be there. It was all still so fresh, not the norm for most of her dreams which would begin to fade as soon as she woke up all the way. This one had seared it self indelibly on her brain, it had had so much vividness.In her dream she was in an old house. she could still smell it's musty and dingy smell that was hanging all around her and she had made a mental note that it had to have been the black drapes that hung in the room. The walls were a dead color of gray, they must have been white at one time. Huge walls that stretched high up. it was a big room. But for all its strangeness and its seemingly bleak countenance she didn't feel afraid. she felt as though she belonged there.
The only other thing in the room , besides the curtains and her, was an old wooden rocking chair. She went and took a seat. she some how she knew that she was waiting for some one or something as you do in dreams. You just know things. She sat rocking and staring at the door. She would not go to the door, again it was a certainty that whatever lay beyond that door wasn't for her to see. Nor did she care to. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the old door knob began to move. She waited breathlessly. The door cracked open and in stepped an old crone. She dressed in old clothes from a time long past. It was her idea of 1800's garb. The crone's white wiry hair was wrapped up in a tight bun on the back of her head. She stood hunched over and the dreamer knew why. She had a severe curvature of the spine, like her grandmother had had but much worse.
She looked Hispanic of descent and her eyes had a strange quality to them. They shone like a cat's eyes in the light. all this and yet the dreamer remains smiling. She knows this is who she has been waiting for. The crone points a gnarled hand to the floor next to the rocking chair and so she bends down and picks up a ball of yarn and knitting needles and begins to knit. She doesn't really know how to knit but in this dream she knits very fast. She knew this is what the crone wanted.
So she knits and smiles at the crone standing across the room. The crone looks at her busy hands and then back at her face. She moves jerkily. it scares the dreamer but she continues to smile at her. The crone quickly walks closer to her and stops to look at her knitting again. Dreamer keeps on smiling because she knows if she doesn't the old hag will bite her or hurt her in some way. The crone moves again and now her face is directly in her face, her breath stinks like old musty rags. and the dreamer thinks this is what a witches breathe smells like. She thinks that she is not bad but she is not good either. There is a look in the crones eyes that says she has all the potential for savage cruelty and animalistic insanity and yet the dreamer holds her smile.
finally the crone approves of what she is knitting enough to preform the ceremony that the dreamer has come here for. the crone reaches into her pocket and produces a very normal looking brown egg. She puts it on the dreamers forehead and rubs it there. She continues by moving the egg all over her body, all the while the dreamer keeps on knitting.
The crone produces a bowl. She doesn't remember a bowl being there but it just is there, like things are so often in dreams. The crone then squats down on the floor like a vulture on limb. She uses her knobby thumbs to break the egg and spill its contents into the bowl. It pores out black ichor. The dreamer is some how not surprised. she stands and walks over to the crone who quickly scrabbles like a crab to the other side of the room.
The dreamer has knitted a scarf. she reaches it out to the crone. The crone , with ungodly quickness, snatches it from her hand. and then she disappears. as the dreamer slowly emerges from the dream she recalls a thought she has just before waking up entirely " a scarf for a cure," when she does pluck up the courage to open her eyes, the damned migraine is gone. She silently thanks the crone.
Friday, June 11, 2010
fairy tales
She had always believed in fairies. Her mother had made sure of that. Her mother was a very whimsical type of person and wanted very much for her daughter to believe in the magic of the world. For the reality of the world was so dark and treacherous and just scary. Ella was six years old, and though she was a big girl now, she believed very much in magic.
Her mother had told her stories of elves that still lived amongst the humans but were very cleverly hidden, but there were also elves that weren't very nice creatures and if you were a bod child they would do magic and make your face into a hideous semblance of the ugliness that was harbored inside. She told her tales of the western witch that , if you came across her and looked her in the eye, you would be able to see the reflection of all the evil doing she had been up to.
Ella's favorite creatures though were the fairies. Her mother had told her that they still lived around us in the woods and in parks. They spoke there own language that sounded like the wind through the leaves and raindrops on a lake.there were all different types. The fairies who lived with the birds and spoke bird fluently. They dressed them selves in feathers and even slept in abandoned bird nests. There were also the flower fairies who adorned their tiny bodies in flower petals and spoke only the language of the plants, which Ella figured probably sounded something like grass growing.
Her mother told Ella that only very good children would ever hear the fairies talking. You had to listen very hard, but eventually if you heard it enough you could master the language. Any child who could speak as the fairies did would be free to see them. They would come out of their hiding places and chit chat about the going ons of all the clans and tribes.And you could call them when ever you wanted as long as you were alone.
Ella tried her hardest to be the best child ever, and given the opportunity to be outside around any wooded area she sat and listened. She heard the sounds her mother told her were the fairy voices. She tried to imitate them, but was never confident she was doing it right, for she never saw any fairies.
The years past and Ella grew up. She had forgotten about the fairies. her mother grew old, and began to wither away. Ella got word that her mother had been very sick and Ella took the first flight out to go be with her. She was shocked to see her mother. So different was she now from her childhood memories. She looked so small and hollow some how. She stayed by her mother's side for days until finally her mother told her it was soon. she could hear the toll of the death bell, which was yet another tale her mother had told her. Ella thought then about all the tales her mother had shared with her and for the first ti,e in years thought back to the fairies and all the summers spent listening for them. How she was heart broken to never encounter any of those creatures.
So she asked her mother, " why did yo tell me all those things about the fairies?"
she said " I wasted so much time on those things as a child and it broke my heart that i never found them"
"are you mad at me?" her mother asked
"No , i figured out that none of that was real as i got older, I just want to know why,"
" well you will learn these things with your own children i suppose, but i will tell you none the less,"
"Have you seen the news lately?" she said 'if so you know what kind of world this is,"
"A world filled with real monsters and all sorts of things that are just too real,"
" I wanted you to believe in something that was magic, I wanted you to hang on to it,"
"Why?" Ella said.
" i want my children to know what kind of world they live in , and to prepare them for it!"
" I wanted that for you because children ARE magic, and it is sad to watch them grow and lose that," she said "the very heart of a child is filled with magic things, that when you grow up you can't believe in any more,"
her mother looked very tired and Ella knew this conversation would end soon.
" I wanted to make life fun for you, that's all.'
Not too long after that Ella's mother passed away. Ella still didn't understand why exactly she had done the things she did. and vowed it wouldn't happen to her children. Ella , a few years later, met a man whom she adored and married . they had a child , a girl. She was named Ria.
Ella fell in love with the child from the moment she was born. Ria was such a kind loving child and an amazing imagination. Everything Ria saw for the first time was an incredible thing for the child. discovering the ocean and grass and sand. with each thing Ella felt the same magic that Ria did although Ella had long ago stopped loving anything that way. Grass had bugs, sand got into everything and the ocean was scary. She realized when Ria was about three that a very sad things happen to grown ups, they stop enjoying, really enjoying everything, and only through a child's eyes do they find that magic again.
One day Ella and her husband took ria out for a hike. Ria loved the woods, And so Ella loved the woods too. They stopped to eat a picnic lunch they had brought with them. Before Ella knew it she was telling Ria about the fairies. Ria was enchanted. She talked about nothing else all day. She was always looking around them to see if she could spot one. Ella was delighted. It brought Ria such happiness. Ella finally understood. She wished she could thank her mother. She did anyway in her mind. She figured her mom could probably hear her. She realized that her mother really had been magical. it was a gift.
Her mother had told her stories of elves that still lived amongst the humans but were very cleverly hidden, but there were also elves that weren't very nice creatures and if you were a bod child they would do magic and make your face into a hideous semblance of the ugliness that was harbored inside. She told her tales of the western witch that , if you came across her and looked her in the eye, you would be able to see the reflection of all the evil doing she had been up to.
Ella's favorite creatures though were the fairies. Her mother had told her that they still lived around us in the woods and in parks. They spoke there own language that sounded like the wind through the leaves and raindrops on a lake.there were all different types. The fairies who lived with the birds and spoke bird fluently. They dressed them selves in feathers and even slept in abandoned bird nests. There were also the flower fairies who adorned their tiny bodies in flower petals and spoke only the language of the plants, which Ella figured probably sounded something like grass growing.
Her mother told Ella that only very good children would ever hear the fairies talking. You had to listen very hard, but eventually if you heard it enough you could master the language. Any child who could speak as the fairies did would be free to see them. They would come out of their hiding places and chit chat about the going ons of all the clans and tribes.And you could call them when ever you wanted as long as you were alone.
Ella tried her hardest to be the best child ever, and given the opportunity to be outside around any wooded area she sat and listened. She heard the sounds her mother told her were the fairy voices. She tried to imitate them, but was never confident she was doing it right, for she never saw any fairies.
The years past and Ella grew up. She had forgotten about the fairies. her mother grew old, and began to wither away. Ella got word that her mother had been very sick and Ella took the first flight out to go be with her. She was shocked to see her mother. So different was she now from her childhood memories. She looked so small and hollow some how. She stayed by her mother's side for days until finally her mother told her it was soon. she could hear the toll of the death bell, which was yet another tale her mother had told her. Ella thought then about all the tales her mother had shared with her and for the first ti,e in years thought back to the fairies and all the summers spent listening for them. How she was heart broken to never encounter any of those creatures.
So she asked her mother, " why did yo tell me all those things about the fairies?"
she said " I wasted so much time on those things as a child and it broke my heart that i never found them"
"are you mad at me?" her mother asked
"No , i figured out that none of that was real as i got older, I just want to know why,"
" well you will learn these things with your own children i suppose, but i will tell you none the less,"
"Have you seen the news lately?" she said 'if so you know what kind of world this is,"
"A world filled with real monsters and all sorts of things that are just too real,"
" I wanted you to believe in something that was magic, I wanted you to hang on to it,"
"Why?" Ella said.
" i want my children to know what kind of world they live in , and to prepare them for it!"
" I wanted that for you because children ARE magic, and it is sad to watch them grow and lose that," she said "the very heart of a child is filled with magic things, that when you grow up you can't believe in any more,"
her mother looked very tired and Ella knew this conversation would end soon.
" I wanted to make life fun for you, that's all.'
Not too long after that Ella's mother passed away. Ella still didn't understand why exactly she had done the things she did. and vowed it wouldn't happen to her children. Ella , a few years later, met a man whom she adored and married . they had a child , a girl. She was named Ria.
Ella fell in love with the child from the moment she was born. Ria was such a kind loving child and an amazing imagination. Everything Ria saw for the first time was an incredible thing for the child. discovering the ocean and grass and sand. with each thing Ella felt the same magic that Ria did although Ella had long ago stopped loving anything that way. Grass had bugs, sand got into everything and the ocean was scary. She realized when Ria was about three that a very sad things happen to grown ups, they stop enjoying, really enjoying everything, and only through a child's eyes do they find that magic again.
One day Ella and her husband took ria out for a hike. Ria loved the woods, And so Ella loved the woods too. They stopped to eat a picnic lunch they had brought with them. Before Ella knew it she was telling Ria about the fairies. Ria was enchanted. She talked about nothing else all day. She was always looking around them to see if she could spot one. Ella was delighted. It brought Ria such happiness. Ella finally understood. She wished she could thank her mother. She did anyway in her mind. She figured her mom could probably hear her. She realized that her mother really had been magical. it was a gift.
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